I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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