i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
