its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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