new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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