I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
