i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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