He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
