Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
