EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
