Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
