had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
