It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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