Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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