i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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