There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's rum buckets o'clock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
