You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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