umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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