Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
