Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
