Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
