the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
