handjob tips. give me some.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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