I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
