and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
