you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
