3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
