you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
