afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
