If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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