we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
