i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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