i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh god was she eating orange peels again
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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