that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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