roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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