if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
