I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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