remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
