Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's blow job season.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
