Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
