But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
