So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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