Pappa wants mamma naked
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
