I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
