David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
