I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
