Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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