the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
