I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
