I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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