they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
