if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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