he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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