She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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