its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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